• PSYCHO-PATHS: Rules to NOT Live By

• READING: Four Books on Sale!

Whenever we become upset about a person’s actions or an event, the anger may be rooted in our attempt to enforce an Unenforceable Rule. The Unenforceable Rule is an expectation that we do not have the power to make happen. We want a person to behave differently, or a circumstance to be changed, but we don’t have the authority, power, or leverage to do so. Whenever our thoughts are using the words, “must,” “should,” or “ought,” we are probably pronouncing an Unenforceable Rule. We may say, “He should have known what I needed,” or “God could have saved my brother from Covid 19.”

Trying to enforce an unenforceable rule leads to helplessness and anger instead of empowerment. Unenforceable Rules warp our judgment as we blame people for breaking our rules. We may hold a grudge for a long time because someone did not follow the Rule we held in our mind.

We begin to change our negative emotions by changing the Unenforceable Rules. We can ask ourselves, “What experiences in life am I thinking of right now that I am demanding to be different?” When we identify an Unenforceable Rule, we can change our mindset by substituting the words “hope,” “desire,” or “wish” instead of “must,” “should,” or “ought.” We succeed when we change our thoughts from demanding to get what we want to hoping that we will get what we want.

When we challenge our Unenforceable Rules we take responsibility for how we feel. We take things less personally. We have more good energy to make good decisions when things do not go our way. We can work toward adapting our current behaviors to produce better outcomes and improved well-being.

Adapted from Forgive for Good, by Fred Luskin (Harper Books: 2002)

What would you like to see more of on my Tracks for the Journey Network? I've published over 150 pieces so far this year in my newsletter, blog, podcast, and videos. Let me know which broad topics would help your journey to well-being during the next months. Thanks!

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• Spirituality and Theology

• Positive Psychology

• Ethics in Current Events

• Ecology

• Interviews with Leaders

I’m excited to hear your preferences as I shape the next great months of the Network!

My goal with the TRACKS FOR THE JOURNEY NETWORK is simple: promote well-being! I believe growth is possible for all of us. Using the resources of progressive theology, positive psychology, and justice ethics we can thrive!

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